First off I feel like I have to say, I’m not a parent that has a deep desperate need to be liked and accepted by my children. I’m their mum and they’re not always going to agree with me or like the decisions I make but that comes with the territory in parenting and I totally get that. With all that said, I think being friends with my daughters is a relationship that I’d love to grow into as they get older.
By the time I was 17 my mum and I were living this kind of friendship dynamic. My dad worked abroad and we ran things together, I helped out around the house where I could, we spent evenings choosing dvds to rent and then sat watching them while eating copious amounts of chocolate and I felt able to talk to her about most things. I know, all very Gilmore Girls. I must add that we didn’t always have this kind of relationship, most of my younger teen years were spent shouting and screaming at each other, me slamming doors and her walking away. I think the mother – daughter relationship is such a tricky one to navigate for both parties and those poor bystanders! Those early teen years are certainly a stage of life that I can’t say I’m particularly looking forward to, it’s hard enough now.
Those of you that read my former blog But Why Mummy Why will be aware of the difficulties I’ve had with one of my girls and the anger issues she’s had since being very small. We’ve each worked so very hard over the years to navigate this in the best way, doing work on identifying and naming emotions, learning cool down techniques, spotting triggers, you name it we probably tried it! For the most part it’s really paying off. She is a wonderful girl to be around and spend time with, and she’s really working on expressing her frustration in a more productive way. She doesn’t always manage it and we don’t always handle it the best way but we’re all trying our best. This is definitely something I want to continue with, to have that door open where we can communicate and figure out a plan together. I really want both my girls to feel like they can talk to me about anything, at anytime without fear of judgement.
After school yesterday we sat around together and made friendship bracelets. N tried her hand at a trickier macrame style bracelet while both of us tried to teach E how to do a plait.
Friendship bracelets – made using Deramores wool
While we made them we thought about who the girls could give the bracelets too. They have tumultuous friendship as most girls do, lots of up and downs and that fierce kind of best friends as well as big friendship groups. They both soon realised that they couldn’t choose just one friend to give a bracelet to, or even limit it to five, they didn’t want to leave anyone out! That’s when we came up with making them for each other. I don’t know, it’s probably really cheesey, but I love that we can recognise that mother-daughter bond, even when it’s fraught with difficulties at times.
Do you have daughters? Sons?
Maybe you are a daughter yourself, what are your thoughts on this?
This is a collaborative post