Craving routine in change and uncertainty

The past five or so weeks have been completely without routine for us and thanks to the on again, off again house move, full of uncertainty and change. Through out this process I’ve discovered something about myself, I’m not actually very good with change. A little change at a time, well, that’s just fine, I can adapt, but changing every part of my usual routine and life, um, yes, not so much. I’d been rolling with the punches for weeks and then I just couldn’t. At risk of being over dramatic and even with such a positive and exciting change of a new house it’s as if symbolically everything in my life was in a box and someone had come along and tipped it upside down and dumped everything out of it. I’m left staring at it all and wondering where I even start to pick it all up again. That’s not even mentioning the physical things that were packed and unpacked!

You’d think that once we moved into our much longed for and anticipated new home that I’d be happy and settled but actually the opposite seemed to happen. After that initial excitement of moving day, the mister was back at work straight away and I had a new house full of boxes and two hyper children with two long weeks of half term stretched ahead. I was left feeling overwhelmed and completely unsettled. As much as I wanted to put my positive pants on and pull myself together I found it a huge struggle. I cringe at admitting that. It sounds so ungrateful. Please don’t misunderstand me, I love my family, my new home and appreciate them all. My sense of overwhelm went beyond that and was amplified by the guilt I had at feeling it when I ‘shouldn’t’. Working for yourself relies on self motivation first and foremost, so if you are distracted or down it massively impacts everything.

Normally I manage school holidays by working on my laptop in the mornings while the girls laze about in their jamas and then we go out and do something fun in the afternoon. Having no wifi threw a rather large spanner in the works of that plan! For fear of being all ‘first world problem-y’ I realised just how much I rely on wifi to not only work (obviously) but to also feel connected. When we had our wifi disconnected in the weeks runnign up t the move I could work in cafes while the girls were at school so while not ideal it was manageable. When you lone work like I do, the internet is a huge part of where my relationships are. As sad as it might sound you lovely lot are like my work colleagues and having no wifi and limited 4G left me feeling rather disconnected in a place where there was a lot of change going on.

It made complete sense put any work plans and all things ‘Little and Fierce‘ on hold while we waited to move and had no wifi yet now we’re in I’m still struggling to get back on track. Of course, I don’t have that ‘dream workspace‘ yet, in fact it’s more like a desk surrounded by, yes, you’ve guessed it, boxes! Trying to run my store has become problematic as we struggle to figure out where I can store stock, pack orders, etc. This whole thing is making me realise how reliant I am on organisation and order to work and function effectively. It’s like I need it for the head space, if that makes sense?

With the girls back at school this week and finally having wifi and a lot less boxes the sense of overwhelm is beginning to lift. I’ve not done this kind of brain dump post for a while, and even while writing it I’ve felt it help me to clear my head a little and get back on track. Finding a new sense of routine and space to work is beginning to excite rather than daunt me. I have so many plans that have been shelved due to not having the headspace for them before the move, I think now is the time for those tentative first steps towards them.

morganaCraving routine in change and uncertainty

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  • Notmyyearoff - June 13, 2017 reply

    It’s so understandable and I think I would be completely the same. Your home is your haven (and your entire work in your case) and to suddenly change that in big swoop is major. It’s why I’m so reluctant to move…although we really should now. I’m sure the settled feeling will come and your new home will be your place of comfort all over again xx

  • Chloe: Picture Taker Memory Maker - June 15, 2017 reply

    Brain dumps are always good! Big life changes (and feeling disconnected whilst those changes are going on) are really hard. I hope you start to feel a little bit more settled soon. Something a very wise person says to me regularly when I’m feeling overwhelmed is “there’s only one way to eat an elephant…one bite at a time”. One box at a time, one day at a time and you’ll get there. Sending hugs x
    Chloe: Picture Taker Memory Maker recently posted…Project Happy {Year 4}: Days 91-100My Profile

  • Hayley @hayleyfromhome - June 19, 2017 reply

    It must have all been so overwhelming, moving house is such a massive change and add to that all the delays and stress you had it’s no wonder it’s been hard for you. I hope you’re starting to feel more settled now the girls are in school, if nothing else it gives you the peace just to think things through and take a little time for yourself xxx

  • Kerri-Ann - June 20, 2017 reply

    I love this post Morgana, I think it’s so easy to underestimate how change can have an impact on how grounded we are. I’m like you and rely on routine, change doesn’t scare me but the thought of all the little things changing freaks me out. As well as the bits I cannot control. And seriously no wifi? Yikes. Ha ha. I really hope that those small steps start to fill you with excitement for the adventures ahead in your new family home and all the other little bits in between
    Kerri-Ann recently posted…A Photowalk around Belgravia & ChelseaMy Profile

  • Jenny Taylor - June 20, 2017 reply

    Not sure how I missed this beautiful brain dump. I love that you call it that. Change is one of those weird things where even if you are a person like me that loves change… it can still leave you out of sorts and begging for normal routines again. I am so glad you are settled more now in your beautiful new (instagrammable) home. hahah This is what I am going to call it the light is one of envy girl. So lovely. Hope to catch up with you again soon before I go on to USA. #wrc

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