The past five or so weeks have been completely without routine for us and thanks to the on again, off again house move, full of uncertainty and change. Through out this process I’ve discovered something about myself, I’m not actually very good with change. A little change at a time, well, that’s just fine, I can adapt, but changing every part of my usual routine and life, um, yes, not so much. I’d been rolling with the punches for weeks and then I just couldn’t. At risk of being over dramatic and even with such a positive and exciting change of a new house it’s as if symbolically everything in my life was in a box and someone had come along and tipped it upside down and dumped everything out of it. I’m left staring at it all and wondering where I even start to pick it all up again. That’s not even mentioning the physical things that were packed and unpacked!
You’d think that once we moved into our much longed for and anticipated new home that I’d be happy and settled but actually the opposite seemed to happen. After that initial excitement of moving day, the mister was back at work straight away and I had a new house full of boxes and two hyper children with two long weeks of half term stretched ahead. I was left feeling overwhelmed and completely unsettled. As much as I wanted to put my positive pants on and pull myself together I found it a huge struggle. I cringe at admitting that. It sounds so ungrateful. Please don’t misunderstand me, I love my family, my new home and appreciate them all. My sense of overwhelm went beyond that and was amplified by the guilt I had at feeling it when I ‘shouldn’t’. Working for yourself relies on self motivation first and foremost, so if you are distracted or down it massively impacts everything.
Normally I manage school holidays by working on my laptop in the mornings while the girls laze about in their jamas and then we go out and do something fun in the afternoon. Having no wifi threw a rather large spanner in the works of that plan! For fear of being all ‘first world problem-y’ I realised just how much I rely on wifi to not only work (obviously) but to also feel connected. When we had our wifi disconnected in the weeks runnign up t the move I could work in cafes while the girls were at school so while not ideal it was manageable. When you lone work like I do, the internet is a huge part of where my relationships are. As sad as it might sound you lovely lot are like my work colleagues and having no wifi and limited 4G left me feeling rather disconnected in a place where there was a lot of change going on.
It made complete sense put any work plans and all things ‘Little and Fierce‘ on hold while we waited to move and had no wifi yet now we’re in I’m still struggling to get back on track. Of course, I don’t have that ‘dream workspace‘ yet, in fact it’s more like a desk surrounded by, yes, you’ve guessed it, boxes! Trying to run my store has become problematic as we struggle to figure out where I can store stock, pack orders, etc. This whole thing is making me realise how reliant I am on organisation and order to work and function effectively. It’s like I need it for the head space, if that makes sense?
With the girls back at school this week and finally having wifi and a lot less boxes the sense of overwhelm is beginning to lift. I’ve not done this kind of brain dump post for a while, and even while writing it I’ve felt it help me to clear my head a little and get back on track. Finding a new sense of routine and space to work is beginning to excite rather than daunt me. I have so many plans that have been shelved due to not having the headspace for them before the move, I think now is the time for those tentative first steps towards them.