How to deal with mean girls

You’d think that now we’ve all got boobs, ditched Mizz magazine and moved on from gossiping about who snogged who at the disco that we’d have all grown mature enough not to be mean girls anymore.

I did my fair share of bitching and back stabbing as a teen, something I’m not proud of. But do you know what, then I grew up. Now I’m a mum I thought the days of dealing with mean girls were long gone, yes, I know, how naive of me.

Unfortunately it seems to be something of an under current that plagues the blogging community. I have lost track of the number of incidents there’s been, particularly in the parent blogging community. And let me point out that I wasn’t even aware of half of what was going on when I was a ‘mummy blogger’, ignorance is bliss and all that. 

From ‘Just being honest’ or ‘telling it like it is’ to bitchy comments behind people’s backs in Facebook groups and Whatsapp, I don’t know about you but I feel it’s just so unnecessary. Do we really have so little going on in our lives that we need to resort to name calling people, people that we’ve probably never even met!

This kind of mean girl attitude just undermines everything that feminism is trying to achieve. We are shooting our selves in the foot when we back bite and tear each other down.  

When it comes to dealing with Mean Girls these are the things I try to do and it’s what I’ll be sharing with my two daughters.

How to deal with Mean Girls

  • Block and move on! Sounds easy enough but it can be hard to do as we all know. I find that confiding in friends often gives me the kick I need to hold my head up, block and move on.
  • Duck the drama – don’t get sucked into taking sides and digging dirt no matter how honourable you think you’re intentions are. Sure stick up for your friend or speak out when you see injustice but be so careful not to get dragged down to the levels of what you’re trying to come against.
  • Focus on the positive
  • Build each other up
  • When I come across negativity or mean girl attitudes I try and do something positive and helpful for someone else, it sounds silly but if we all took the time to help each other out eventually the mean girl behaviour would be drowned out with sisterhood!! 
  • In the spirit of this after you’ve finished this post think of a friend and give them some encouragement – not a fake, sugar sweet compliment for the sake of it but something meaningful. Liked a post someone wrote – tell them!  Found a tip helpful – tell them! Feel inspired by someone’s attitude? Tell them! Felt encouraged or helped practically by someone – tell them! Know a friend that’s going through a tough time – support them! Tweet them, tag them on Facebook or Instagram, send a text. Give them a hug and tell them face to face. However you want just do it, go on I dare you 😉

 

Let’s block out the mean girls and be grown up women that support each other not tear each other down.

 

morganaHow to deal with mean girls

35 comments

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  • Kerry - September 28, 2016 reply

    Well said xxx

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Thanks Kerry! xx

  • Alexandra | I'm Every Mum - September 28, 2016 reply

    Love it Morgana x

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Thanks Alex, we all need a bit more sisterhood don’t we. xxx

  • Kerri-Ann - September 28, 2016 reply

    Love this and I feel just the same, point one is tough to do! There’s room for everyone in this big space we have yet why so much silliness X X

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    It’s so tough isn’t it? It’s so easy to take it to heart and even to retaliate. There really is room for everyone, I don’t understand why people feel the need to share negative opinions about others. Life is too short and there’s way more to concentrate on. xxx

  • Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely - September 28, 2016 reply

    Love this, Morgana. I hate some of the things I see behind the scenes and in groups. It’s just not nice. And not at all necessary.

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Me too, Rachel. I’m so sick of it all! Here’s to positivity and sisterhood hey! xx

  • Lori - September 28, 2016 reply

    Couldn’t agree more! Some people are just plain crazy! x

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Yes, totally! xx

  • Sarah | Boo Roo and Tigger Too - September 28, 2016 reply

    Great advice!

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Thanks Sarah! xx

  • Hayley Smith - September 28, 2016 reply

    I’m shocked by some of the bitchiness I’ve seen only recently, a lot of it has passed me by thankfully. It’s crazy that grown women act this way and quite sad too. Very well put!

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Me too, Hayley. I’ve not been on the receiving end (or maybe I have but been oblivious!) but I have lots of friends that have and it makes me so cross. xx

  • Lara - Adventures of a Mum - September 28, 2016 reply

    Seems like it’s a good thing I’m not well known in terms of my blog because I would hate this to happen to me! I had no idea that these things go on! I’ve heard so much recently about blogging Facebook pages being really bitchy and dm’s flying around and I honestly can’t believe people do it (or that they have the time to do so?!)
    We’re all here trying to do our best so not sure why people try to bring others down.
    Great post which I will share with my friends!! Xx

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Thanks Lara, I’m as baffled by it all as you! Last time I checked we were grown ups with busy lives to lead. I’ve got no room for bitchiness. xxx

  • Amelia @ Oh Little One Sweet - September 28, 2016 reply

    love this Morgana. Well said lovely. I have heard mention of some not nice things in the blogging community but fortunately haven’t seen or read anything first hand. I feel inspired to spread a little love and support, although I try to do this all the time anyway. I hated school at the best of times and I certainly wouldn’t want a repeat of me or anyone else experiencing any of that childish mean girl behaviour as an adult xx

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Thanks Amelia. I think the best thing we can do is spread the love and light and build each other up. Let’s hope this will drown out the negativity xx

  • Lucy - September 29, 2016 reply

    All the crazy is one of the reasons that I’ve never joined any of the Facebook groups for bloggers. I’m sure they can be very useful and supportive, but I would just rather not know what goes on the scenes when some of it can be so negative. Even with not being in those groups the drama seems to bubble over sometimes and I get to hear about it anyway, and I just don’t have time for that.
    I think your parting shot that we should show a bit of love is a powerful one, just think what we could all achieve by raising each other up instead of knocking each other down. x

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    It’s a shame as there are some fantastic ones out there that are nothing but supportive. It’s often a handful of people that drag it all down. Yes, lets show a bit of love and who knows what we can achieve! xx

  • Jo - September 29, 2016 reply

    Sisterhood
    Love it
    Is there one for rant, plot random sinarios of revenge and then deconstruct the stress with tragic Doyle humour (usually best done with dad … King of said humour) ? If there is I’m all over that Xx

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Haha! I think that’s acceptable we all need a rant before we can put it aside and move on 😉 xx

  • Elena - September 29, 2016 reply

    Great post. We are all grown up, we should all behave like adults! The internet is a huge and there is a place for everybody

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    You are so right, there is room enough for everyone! xx

  • Chloe Ciliberto - September 29, 2016 reply

    I love this. It came at the right time! I had my first very unexpected run in this week with a blogger and I was blind to think it ever happened. I love blogging and have always been astounded at how incredibly supportive and lovely the community is, so I was really shocked. Definitely ignoring it, not creating drama and looking at the positives is the best thing to do. We never know if someone is just having a bad day. If you get knocked down a little bit, try not to feel the hurt and just project that into helping other people. It feels so much better. xx

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced that, and at the hands of another blogger too. I think you’re doing the right thing, as much as it’s tempting to retaliate we all know how messy that can get. You’re right projecting it into helping others is definitely the way forward xx

  • Alison - September 29, 2016 reply

    I’m so with you Morgana. The whole “just being honest” thing is such a lame excuse to be mean. There will always be people in this world (blogging/friends/work/everywhere) who put other people down to raise themselves up – it’s so depressing – but the best thing we can do is rise above it. LOVE your idea of doing something kind in the world to counter balance it. *fist bump*

    morgana - September 29, 2016 reply

    Oh Alison, ‘just being honest’ is such a bug bear of mine, it really winds me up! Here’s to a bit more sisterhood! xx

  • Laura @ Little Ladies Big World - September 29, 2016 reply

    Could it agree more. I love the quote ‘flowers do not think about competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms’. We are all people, online or face to face, and positivity does everyone the world of good. I worry too much about what other people especially bloggers lately might say but then I remember I will be nice and rise above the people who can’t be and if that means I am out of the loop sometimes I can live with that. Xx

  • Lizzie Roles - September 29, 2016 reply

    Like you I’ve been blissfully unaware, I’m always so shocked when I hear people are being mean, maybe I’m just naive. I struggle to stand up when I see someone being mean though, always giving the benefit of the doubt that the person is having a bad day and didn’t mean it to come across that way. It’s tricky online especially when you don’t really know the people and I worry I’ll be seen as a shit stirrer so stay quiet. Love your idea of encouraging someone else! Great post xo

  • Carly @acupfullofglitter - September 30, 2016 reply

    Fab advice! X

  • Gemma @ gemslittletreasures - October 2, 2016 reply

    Positivityand sisterhood-perfect x

  • Becky | Spirited Puddle Jumper - October 5, 2016 reply

    Totally agree Morgana, this is a great post. I wrote similar last year about ‘when did blogging become so bitchy?’ and it was sad that so many people commented to say they’d had some awful experiences in the blogging world. I think a bit like in the workplace, you’re always going to gel better with some people than others, but there is no need for meanness. I’ve left a couple of FB blogging groups recently as I couldn’t bare to see so much bile being spilled as soon as I logged on. I’ve become much better at steering clear of any drama too this past year, and feel SO much better for it. Positive vibes only!

  • Fritha Strickland - November 22, 2016 reply

    Morgana I’ve been feeling like this so much lately. Its overwhelming at times and it’s just made me feel really sad and inadequate a lot of the time. Women should be building each other up and supporting each other rather than bitching in closed groups or behind their hands! Its actually one of the reasons I’ve decided not to go to blogging conferences from now on, I went to a really inspiring ‘gathering’ over the weekend and it reminded me why I love blogging and being supported by creative gals! (I wrote about it here actually and linked to this post if you fancy a read! http://www.tigerlillyquinn.com/2016/11/weekendin-recharging-and-feel-creative.html hope it’s ok to leave that there!) xx

    morgana - November 23, 2016 reply

    The gathering you went to sounds blissful! I’ve not been to any blogging event for a couple of years for the same reasons you mention. Thanks for mentioning this post in your post too xxx

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